Entry #6 Listening

It’s one of the most important skills to learn and one of the toughest skills to practice.  I am a problem solver, I want to jump in and fix whatever is wrong.  But I need to remind myself that allowing someone to completely express their feelings and emotions may be the thing they need to do more than to have their problems solved.  

In the past week, the importance of listening to what people say and don’t say has been at the forefront of our minds at my work place.  I can’t go into details, but something happened that really open many sets of eyes.  

As a coach, I have developed the skill of listening to what is being said and what is not being said by my athletes.  I constantly sort out the important details from the conventional conversations.  I pay attention to body language, tone, directness, attitude, and eye movements.  All of this creates a picture of who this person is and sets us up to plan how to accomplish their goals.  Together, no one succeeds alone.    

As an athlete, I’ve tried to avoid telling my coach (me) or my spouse about a bad workout or a weakness in one of my skill areas.  It’s hard to ask for help!!  It’s hard to say I can’t do something!!  We are taught by society to hide our weakness until we can get better at them.  Unfortunately, the only ways to get better at a skill are to hire a coach, take a class, or read and study techniques.   One of the best experiences for me included a USAT Level 3 Coach at a running clinic.  My average speed was about 5 mph before the clinic.  Immediately after the clinic, I noticed my speed increase to 5.5 mph and then with more practice to 6 mph.  Without that Saturday morning and that $40 clinic, I would have remained at my stagnant pace.  

As an employee, I practice direct communication with my peers and with my managers.  I can’t expect them to read my mind or see the perfect picture or the flow of a process I’ve created.  I have to concentrate and carefully communicate my ideas in writing, verbally, and sometimes drawing out the process on large sheets of paper with colorful markers.  Not everyone learns or listens the same way.  I am challenged to adapt my teaching style and my learning style while working with different groups.  

As a wife, daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, soon-to-be aunt, and friend, sometimes the only thing I can do is listen and then agree that a bad situation really sucks.  I can give them a hug, offer my shoulder, or suggest a walk to show them I care.  Caring is one of the things that this world doesn’t have enough of because it’s so easy to be busy with work, family, training, housework that we don’t recognize someone’s real need for our love and understanding. 

“So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.”
Jiddu Krishnamurti